My Battle With Chronic Anxiety – ChicGlamStyle

My Battle With Chronic Anxiety


Everything on the outside seems ok...You have even tried to convince yourself that it is all good... But it's not. Living with chronic mental illness ( a term I have only recently accepted ) often feels like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Overtime, my battle with anxiety has become a big part of my life. Every day, I felt like I was drowning in fear and sorrow, but paddling to stay afloat. It started to feel "normal". However, in due time, I realized that there was more to it than mere feelings of nervousness.

Battling Anxiety

I started experiencing the dread, not wanting to go out for fear of a panic attack; the upset stomach, dry throat, and flutters of the heart. These signs became the familiar. I felt like no one would understand me. Darkness was certainly a foe than a friend for me. When people laid their heads down to rest, I would lie awake, wondering what the next day would be like. I was trying to regain control but battling to live a normal life as all I knew. It started to consume me more each day. Eventually, it pushed me into medication. I found comfort in those pills and didn't realize I was getting addicted to them. Xanax became my friend. Anxiety tires the mind and your body add this to all the excess adrenalin and you have some pretty weird symptoms. Due to the adrenalin overload, I was too stressed to eat so I started losing weight fast.

I was at loss of how to get my life back and live like any other normal individual. Everything around me seemed to tire up some feelings of fear. I did not have confidence in my ability to function properly. There is nothing I wanted more than to be an independent, carefree person. I was exhausted, putting up a fight every single day was a task in itself. I was sick and tired of being sick, almost to a point of depression. The saddest part of the story is that I only decided to get help after anxiety had already taken over my life. By then I had already pushed everyone that cared about me away. I was in denial.

Fighting To Survive

Slowly but surely, anxiety became more than a panic plaguing me. It was an encompassing sadness that had attached to me like a shadow. I felt sorry for myself, cried and couldn't concentrate.The first step to recognizing the persisting sadness is when a loved one told me that I needed to get my myself back. No more excuses. I started to read about the biology of my condition to help me understand what I was really going through. The next step was to accept 100% what was happening to me and take care of myself. I thought " I am better than this. I can handle this shit".I let go of my pride, ego, and shame and accepted that I needed help. I found a really good psychologist and immediately booked an appointment. However, I must admit that it took a while to get to that first session. The thought of being vulnerable to a stranger scared me. I was even more afraid to discuss the nemesis that anxiety had been.

Finding Hope

When I finally got to my first appointment, I faced my fear head on and confided in my therapist. Even so, by talking about my panic attacks, I felt like I was re-living them all over again. Therapy was definitely a tipping point for me.

I realized that I needed to stop letting my anxiety get the best of my life. I also needed to quit the happy pills. While there are those who are mentally and emotionally strong to overcome the illness themselves, a majority of us need help and guidance. We need to feel like we are not alone. Despite the setback, I am still working with my therapist to recoup my strength and take total charge of my life once again. I'm keeping busy, which has helped me a lot and have started eating right again. Anxiety is highly treatable with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which helps you identify, analyze/challenge, and replace the countless distorted thoughts that produce anxiety. You see until recently I was fighting it which ultimately made it worse. Fighting the nervousness, the negative thoughts, the fear. You have to let it " flow through you". Strive to be happy with the person you are becoming, not the person you are today.

Therapy does not guarantee that I will never have an anxiety attack again but it is certainly a step in the right direction. Sometimes, I am horrified of facing a new day. But like I have come to learn, what does not kill us makes us stronger. Just know that if you are experiencing this, you are not alone. It's actually more common than you think. Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. It will take some time but things will only get better as long as you don't give up.

  • Kate Amar

    It’s awesome that you’re sharing your struggles – and victories – with the world! Anxiety affects so many of us and it can be downright crippling. Therapy is a fantastic starting point, there’s no shame in reaching out for help. It’s brave!

    Much love, Kate

  • thank you for sharing this with us. anxiety is no joke. There is nothing wrong with getting help, so happy for you that you did.

  • Courtney Hardy

    Anxiety seriously sucks. I’m glad you got help.

  • Yara Mel Rozaay

    Dealing with depression also caught me off-guard and going to a psychologist was the best decision of my life since it literally saved it. I’m so glad you looked for help and seeing improvements.
    Be strong in the journey! You can do it. All the best 🙂

  • Paola

    Be strong babe! Think positive!
    Kisses, Paola.

  • I am on the verge of tears reading this because I know these feelings exactly. Anxiety & my attacks come out of no where & can be crippling, but its important to push through them and not let it control your life. You are so strong for sharing your story & doing what you need to go to make yourself feel better! Bravo

  • glowyshoes1

    Thanks for sharing your journey.. what doesn’t kill us will definitely make us stronger. Would you like to follow each other let me know on my blog.

    Glowyshoes’s blog

  • Emily

    Good on you for sharing your struggles. Anxiety is sometimes just a word that gets thrown around but not a lot of people understand the full extent of it. Glad you are getting her some help… Sending positive vibes.
    x Emily

  • You are so brave for sharing your experience, lady! Wishing you continued good vibes!

    Le Stylo Rouge

  • Sarah M


    So perfect !


  • Rina Doria

    Thanks for sharing with us babe. You’d be surprised as to how many people feel this way everyday. So glad that the CBT has been working for you, it’s such a healthy and positive way to take control of your life.

    Rina Samantha

  • Anna Parkes

    Well done, Rachel, for sharing this issue so honestly, it’s very brave of you. Many people fight shy of discussing mental illness due to the perceived stigma and I think all the more of you for that. Everyone has their own path to recovery, it’s just a matter of finding out what combination of things or route will suit you best. I’m a huge fan of talking therapy. Keep on doing what works. Anna x

  • Sorry to hear about your battle with anxiety Rachel, and glad to hear therapy is helping. It’s so powerful when women start to talk about problems like this so that everyone realises how normal it is.

  • Debbie Stinedurf

    I am so glad that you were brave enough to get help Rachel; that is the first step. Sharing your story with the world is good not only for you, but for others who share the same issues so that they know they are not alone. Keep fighting it!

  • Shauna C

    Thank you for your honest writing about this issue. I too suffer from anxiety…while not debilitating at this point, it does take over my life I feel sometimes and is so scary. Thank you for sharing your struggle and I wish you the best!


  • Thank you so much for this post. Someone close to me is going through this, and you’re right, it really does happen to so many people. So happy that you are sharing this and getting better one day at a time!

  • so glad you get the help you need. stay strong!


    style frontier

  • It’s awesome you are getting help – anxiety is a tough monster to conquer by yourself. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be living with it constantly. Thank you for your honesty and openness, I loved reading this.


  • Nancy U

    Thank you for sharing 🙂

  • Thanks for the share gal. Glad that you took the help.

  • Len Dela Peña Parent

    You look beautiful and sexy, Rach! Thank you for sharing your struggles and victories. You are such an inspiration!
    Have a fab weekend ahead!
    Much love, Len

  • Aw, this sounds so challenging. You are such a strong and beautiful person, I know you’re going to get through this. Wish you all the best of course!

    xo Elizabeth |

  • Retail Rx

    Thanks for being so honest with your struggles. I too have a chronic mental illness, bipolar disorder, and suffer from anxiety episodes with that. I haven’t yet found the courage to tell my story about living with this illness, but reading about how others struggle with similar issues encourages me to be more open and honest with others. I developed my blog as a creative outlet to help with some of the issues I deal with due to my illness. I am so glad to have found your blog.
    Retail Rx

  • You are so courageous to share this. I have a close friend going through something similar right now. I want to tell her about this post. Good for you for getting help and getting off the pills. And thanks for sharing about this very personal struggle.
    xo, janea

  • Finding hope and having faith always good to lift the spirit up! Thank you for sharing your story with us darling.

  • Wow, thanks for sharing. I’m not very familiar with mental illness and I’m glad that more and more people are talking about it, making the issue seem more common than I ever thought. Glad you were able to get help.

  • I hope sharing this was cathartic for you. I too suffer from anxiety and depression and have been crippled by it many times before. Every day can often feel like a struggle. And happiness is fleeting. But having the right coping mechanisms, stability, and a strong group of good people around you really help.

    xx Yasmin

  • Babe this was so brave of you to right. I hate that there is still so much stigma attached to mental health so posts like yours really help. I also suffer with chronic anxiety and depression and it is so crippling. I’m glad that the therapy is helping though.

    Rachel xx

  • Thanks so much for sharing your anxiety story with us, Rach. I know it must have taken a lot of courage to share this story and to make it this far. You are doing beautifully and I love seeing your blog posts and your Instagram photos. All the love!

  • Ellie

    There was a time, luckly it was a very short one (6 months), where I went through suffering from Anexiety too. And I know that sounds crazy but I got myself somehow out of there…
    I think it was at that time a changed the school and I got along much better with the kids…<3

  • Besugarandspice

    thank so much you for sharing your experience, It’s very brave of you!Kisses!!

  • Sarah-Allegra Schönberger

    Thank you for sharing this, Rachel! Well done, Girl! Glad you got help!

    xx Sarah-Allegra

  • This is such a powerful post, and I admire you for sharing this with the world, everyone should be able to talk about their anxiety, a lot of us have gone through a similar case at some point in our lives.

    Have an amazing week,
    Mary x

  • fashionistha

    So brave of you babe!

  • Gador .Vision

    Buen post!
    New post.

  • Jane Fitfabfun

    Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad you’ve got help!
    xo, Jane

  • What courage you have had in to want to share with us your ailment. Thank you very much for that gesture. I am glad that you recovered and although it is a slow road, the important thing is that you are in it.

  • I think the first step is to become aware and deal with it. . a hug your way my brave girl!

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